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[26 Jan 2006|02:06am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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The Distillers-Hall Of Mirrors |
] |
All i ever wanted was to be happy.
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| Its Strange... |
[27 Dec 2005|10:45pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Rancid-Indestructible |
] |
So just now, in like a second of clear thought i realized that i haven't felt like myself in so long. I honestly thin it happened once Mario left and i didn't hang out with him everyday. It was just one of the things he really taught me to never stop being myself and i think i just forgot once he wasn't around all the time. I realized how strange i've really been and i don't like it. Some thigns stayed the same but i felt different and thats what bothers me. No more. I'm going to back to being me, the real me. Not the psuedo-me that i feel i've been being. For once i'm really happy with myself and my decision. I like this.
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[19 Dec 2005|10:52pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Hollywood Undead |
] |
Sometimes I think it would just be better off if i wasn't part of anyone's life.
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[14 Nov 2005|02:47pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
I miss my best friend.
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[14 Aug 2005|03:44am] |
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mood |
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 pleased |
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music |
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Flashlight Arcade-Homeroom Politics |
] |
So is it so wrong to dwell a lot on what could have happened? Or what was given up? I don't think so, I mean everything turns out ways for reasons i guess. I'm happy with a lot of things that have happened and the stuff i'm not happy with is what i've learned from. Sometimes it just takes a few times for me to learn the same lesson. Its so weird that a lot of people from my past have been resurfacing back into my life sorta, or maybe its me resurfacing into theirs. Well either way i always find it ironic how the future always points to the past. I'd really like to apologize to a lot of people for things, not mainly because of words exchanged but mainly because of words that were never exchanged. Its hard to understand what i want anymore because i don't know and i haven't known for a while. I've been thinking about memories a lot, besides thinking of actual ones i mean thinking about the point of them. Most people would say its to remember the good times even with the bad but i don't think thats fully true. I think its more for hope and guidance that people tend to keep memories, i mean the reason you think about them would be because you'd like for them to happen again right? So then that would make them more of hopes even though its past events. I feel weird right now, not in a bad way just in a very deep thinking kind of way. I will refuse to believe that things are always me fault either, if there is no effort on anyone's part between two or more people to talk about things/hang out/whatever else then there is no one person more to blame. Everyone is capable of using a phone or computer to reach each other for contact so there is no guilt on either side for full blame of the situation. I know some people are gonna read this and be like "Oh he's talking about so and so again" but the truth is, no one knows who i refer to in most of my entries. Even though a lot of people would like to believe they know, but they don't. The reason for not directing comments at certain people is usually because they pertain to more than one person so why single out just one? The other reason being i think people tend to think about things more if they aren't sure if its about them or not. Its a psychological thing, they put more thought into trying to convince themselves its not about them, than if i had just written it was about them. I don't hate life, contrary to what most people think. I hate a lot of the things in it and a lot of the people in it but not life in general. Mine's not so bad either, and i'm never one to say it is. There will always be someone who is worse off and so that whole argument is just ridiculous. I'm content with most of the events in my life and the people that are part of it. I mean there will always be things that could make it better but thats what life is about, striving for something better for something that will keep you happy. I've met so many people in a very short amount of time and i'm always meeting more, some come and go relatively fast but the memories stay. Most though, most leave a lasting impression on me. I'm not a different person than i used to be. I've grown just like everyone does but you can never change who you are. Its progression, if you don't progress than what good are you? Oh and on a lighter note, i find it hilarious how many people try to make fun of me/talk shit about me(and not even to my face because they're all pussies! haha) when i have more of a life than they will ever have. I have more direction, more passion for things and i aspire to be more than they will. And on a final note, my number for those of you that don't know is 546-punx. Hahahaha. Sarcasm's a bitch. Now fuck off.
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[01 Aug 2005|12:52am] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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Alien Ant Farm-These Days |
] |
Been a while since my last update. Oh well. Today sucked so bad, i woke up somewhat early. Shannon decided to ditch me again and not pick up her phone. Called everyone else, and everyone was pretty much busy or didn't pick up their phones. So i did nothing all day until i talked to Katie and went and hung out with her,and a bunch of other kids all night at some random house. Katie while playing drums with sharpie markers managed to uncap one mid-air and it landed right in between her boobs. It was hilarious, like the funniest thing i've seen in a long time. Then we dropped off everyone and went back to her house and chilled for a while. She's a really great girl, I read some of her old letter type things she wrote to her mom and stuff and it was really sad. She's awesome though, and a lot of fun to hang out with. Mario called me to tell me he's gonna be gone till thursday so me and Randy are supposed to hold off his appointments and hold down the fort till then hahaha. Tomorrow i'm working for my cousin so i actually get some god damned money. Then probably chilling out for a while until i go over Katie's to watch party monster and hang out again. And despite efforts, i will not be fucking put down by anyone's shit.
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[14 Jul 2005|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
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music |
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Bouncing Souls-True Believers |
] |
Post anything that you want, but make sure you post it anonymously.
A story
A secret
A confession
A fear
A love - anything.
Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you like/want to. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.
I encourage everyone to do this. I'm interested in what you all have to say.
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| Days In, Days Out |
[23 Jun 2005|03:16pm] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
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music |
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Anti-Flag-Thats Youth |
] |
After doing some thinking today I've come to a few conclusions. Yeah high school sucks everyone knows it and complains about it but not many people say why. For me it sucks because its just learning experiences you wish you didn't have to go through, things that you wish never had to happen but in a sense needed to. In my high school years(since essentially next year isn't a real year)I've loved and lost it, laughed and cried, had friends and lost them, made new ones and lost some too, had sex, been hurt, did a lot of things i regret and regret a lot of things i never did, learned a lot about myself, learned a lot more about people that i wanted to, the list could go on forever but most importantly i've realized that its not a point of what you have done or haven't through high school, its what you've learned. But not in the academic sense of "oh i learned this in school today". In the sense of if you learned from all the mistakes you made and all the mistakes you wish you had made. I think that is really what creates what everyone looks back to as "their high school years". Even through all the good and bad times i did realize one thing, i like myself. I like who i am, i like the way i am, i like what i listen to, i like how i dress, i like the way i present myself, i'm not fake, i don't pretend about things, i know who i am and i'm damn proud of it. That is something most people especially here cannot say. Even if they did it wouldn't be true. But it made me happy to realize i have something a lot of people will never get, self-respect. This song got me in a nostalgic mood today. Thanks Anti-Flag!
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EDIT: I'm 17 now motherfuckers!
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| I Could Never Hate You |
[22 May 2005|05:12pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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The Eyeliners-Think Of Me |
] |
Last night was amazing. Lost City Angels weren't too good at all. They sounded good from what i downloaded from them and then they sounded completely different last night. They did all this screamy wanna be new hardcore shit and it bothered me. But whatever. The Eyeliners came on after them and I love the eyeliners, plus they're all hot and put on a great show so there was nothing abd about it. The only thing I would've liked is if they played more of their old songs rather than all their new ones.The it took like 45 minutes for Social Distortion to come on but it was well worth the wait. During the wait us 845's all discussed things and acted weird, good times good times. Social Distortion played an amazing set as i knew they would. Thye played a songs from the first two albums and the new one but almost none of the other ones. That kind of disappointed me. But none the less it was one of the best shows i'll ever see so i can't even really describe how filled with energy i am from it. I got free stuff from the eyeliners too. Hung out outside for a little bit and then left.Fuck you.
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| I Hate Jimmy Page. |
[20 May 2005|09:12pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
] |
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music |
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The Transplants-Dj Dj |
] |
Lets see, a list of updates. Me, Gabe, Charlotte and Jen are the 845 punx and we own. Jen made me hang out with ally and some other kids, but the other kids turned out to be pretty cool. I shot guns which was cool. I hate manipulative girls and ones that suck. But i do like Annika. She just seems like a really great girl, she's nice and funny and cute and just plain awesome. But I'm not gonna do anything to jinx it cause I actually have real feelings about this, it feels nice. I know you're going to read this too so feel special ;) Um Shannon came over today and dyed my hair black, and cut it back to a mohawk. I like it but I haven't put it up yet cause i gotta wait for it to dry out now. I'm hoping to get to hang out with Annika tomorrow because I really wanna hang out with this girl bad. Then tomorrow night is Social Distortion, which is going to be so fucking amazing that I can't even describe it. Jen never called me to go dumpster diving so I didn't go, oh well we'll go some other time thats all. Uh thats all for now, maybe some hair pictures later.
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| Guys Like Us Ain't Got No Chance |
[29 Apr 2005|09:14pm] |
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mood |
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 infuriated |
] |
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music |
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Social Distortion-Don't Take Me For Granted |
] |
and thats the truth. fuck this shit. i'm done, i'm fucking done. its seriously complete bullshit and i don't understand one fucking bit of it. fucking vicious cycle, thats all it is. everytime its like more of me is just wasting away, more of me is just wanting to feel nothing. be as fucking cold as i possibly can. what a shitty way to end such a shitty day, fucking figures.
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[26 Apr 2005|10:15pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
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music |
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Social Distortion-Story Of My Life |
] |
i got a new phone today. by accident i got the one that they give people to fool around with at the store because its pre-owned. so i decided to go through the pictures on it and guess what. the girl who owned it before i got it took a picture of herself topless hahaha.
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[25 Apr 2005|09:58pm] |
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mood |
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discontent |
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music |
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H.I.M.-Heartache Every Moment |
] |
Fuck. You know sometimes I do wonder if there is something actually wrong with me. Like maybe there is something that is just holding me back and i don't realize what it is yet, maybe i just don't want to realize it. I don't even really know what the hell i'm talking about fully, things just seem really fucked inside my head. My thoughts haven't been very clear or even that organized this last week and however many days. I remember feeling this way one other night, almost exactally this way. I think it was when i had a deadjournal, or maybe it was my old livejournal i guess it doesn't really matter. I'm not even sure if this makes any sense right now and i honestly don't think i even care. I need to find something, or someone maybe. hopefully.
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[15 Apr 2005|09:15pm] |
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mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
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music |
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The Cure-Boys Don't Cry |
] |
I'm feeling very nostalgic tonight. It sucks I couldn't go to the party tonight but whatever no use crying over spilt milk. It would have been cool. I've been thinking tonight a lot about everything I've experienced in my life. All the people places, fun, pain, and I realized that I'm pretty content with the way things usually go. As much as I say things suck sometimes and despite how much I hate people things do seem to work out for the best for the most part. I do miss things obviously but I was young for most of them and I think its more or less I just miss being younger. When I was younger it was about nothing but fun, I could slack off in school and not have to worry, I didn't need to buy much of anything so i didn't need a job. There's just too much to always be worrying about now and I wish I could just relax from it all for just a while. Things are looking hopeful though.
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| They Only Want Your Brains |
[10 Apr 2005|12:22am] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Horrorpops-Where They Wander |
] |
Ok well I left at 4 Saturday morning to go to the airport for vacation. Dealt with all flying and such and finally got to the ship. It was pretty boring for a while so I wandered around and acted all anti-social because I figured I wouldn't like anyone on the ship. Finally went into this teen club thing to see how lame it was and oh boy it was lame. But there was this cool kid in there so me and him started talking and spen the entire rest of that night being followed by ugly girls and trying to score alcohol but we couldn't get any. The second day consisted of nothing again really since i didn't wake up till around 2 but thats ok. That night i drank lots of free champagne and these kids gave me some vodka I think it was( I was already too out of it to know). So I randomly started talking to this girl Mallory because she was playing very loud music on her ipod. Staggered around more and then came back and told her she should hang out with me instead of hanging out alone and she agreed. We hung out the rest of the night and shit until 4 in the morning, it was crazy. All the days that followed consisted of these things repeated in different orders: lots of making out(and videotaping it haha), oral sex, videotpaing us being drunk, drinking, kissing, acting cute, sleeping, stopping on islands, avoiding ugly creepy stalker girls, and it all lead up to the last night which was awesome. I drank way too much vodka and let me tell you, drinking lots of vodka and then having amazing sex does not mix equally. I got so dizzy and sickly feeling after that I could barely walk or stand up without thinking I was gonna puke. But I got better and Mallory and i just walked around and stuff until we both went back to our rooms to get sleep. Makes me wish I lived in Georgia. All in all it was the best trip EVER. If I remember anything else I'll add it later.
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[30 Mar 2005|08:41pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
] |
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music |
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Trasnplants-Weigh On My Mind |
] |
Today was cool, it consisted of skating,hanging out, pizza, manhunt and driving. Tomorrow should be awesome. Going to get Gabe and hang out for a while then meet up with Jen and a few others to do dumpster diving and hitting up the thrift stores. Then to work. I have a lot of stuff I want to write in here and I just don't have the motivation to do it. Oh well.
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| No Titles Needed |
[26 Mar 2005|07:46am] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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The Unseen-Fight For A Better Life |
] |
Awesome realization today. It doesn't bother me anymore, at all. I've tested myself and I'm great. I don't feel anything more about it. I love this feeling. If you don't know what I'm talking about then you probably shouldn't know.
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[21 Mar 2005|07:47pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
] |
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music |
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The Bouncing Souls-True Believers |
] |
The story behind this post is as follows. Over the course of the last 4 months I've done quite a lot of thinking and looking back on the past. I came to a realization that in all reality I never seem to keep friends too long. Wether it be their fault, my fault or we just fell apart its been a pattern. I still talk to a lot of people I used to be friends with but just if I see them in school or around. Though there are a few friends I've had for a while and plan on keeping that way. I think that its partially because I'm constantly looking for better people to hang out with, people more like me, people who aren't as stupid, don't act like little kids about everything and just people I can have more fun around. I've also learned that in all reality you don't need anyone besides yourself, friends are great to have and I wouldn't ever give up having them. But essentially you're on your own for your life, a problem occurs when people don't realize that and let other people try and run their lives. I've learned not to care, not to be bothered with what people say, I just wish I could say the same for most of the people I know/knew. Oh well.
( Feeling Very Contemplative Today )
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| Things That Currently Rock |
[20 Mar 2005|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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Chaotic Alliance-Victims |
] |
List commencing now:
-driving nowhere just to play music really loud
-getting hurt constantly while skating
-not working on a saturday night
-getting to see chaotic alliance
-using the fold down back in my blazer
-having nowhere to go
-sex
-having money for gas
-mapquest
-chaotic alliance
-the peeps
-making out with a 20 year old girl in the bathroom at a show(PUNK ROCK! haha)
-getting fucked up at shows
-black and white cameras
-having numbers and messages written on me in sharpie
-not being clean
-not having to work on a sunday morning
-finding money
-getting free shit
-hanging out with gabe, ben and all the others at shows
-meeting awesome people at a show
-laughing at the amount of random people that show up for the casualties
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[16 Sep 2004|01:49pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
] |
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music |
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The Ramones-I Don't Wanna Grow Up |
] |
For anyone who hasn't heard yet, Johnny Ramone is dead.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6014362/
R.I.P.
Joey
Dee-Dee
Johnny
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